


Tragedy

by TWSD



Series: Transitioned [5]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crying, F/F, Gen, Minor Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Marianne von Edmund, Other, Self-Harm, Tragedy of Duscur (Fire Emblem), Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Marianne von Edmund
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:07:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TWSD/pseuds/TWSD
Summary: TRIGGER WARNING: This fic contains self harm, and content pertaining to dysphoria and deadnaming/misgendering.“We used to be friends a long time ago, when she was a very… Different person. Something happened. She changed. We all did. People move on, and… I suppose I’m foolish for trying to go back to the past, aren’t I?”“Dimitri… Do you mean…?” Yes. He did.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Marianne von Edmund, Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril
Series: Transitioned [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1893283
Kudos: 19





	Tragedy

“Sylvain. Did Marianne ever accept your apology?”

Sylvain looks up from his lunch, food falling off of his fork once his attention leaves it. “Yeah… Actually, in fact, she started playing with the girls again.” It was good to hear that she was doing so well. Dimitri truly wanted to wish her the best. They had been friends after all; once upon a time.

Marianne… And that old friend of his, were they really the same person? It was impossible to believe, Margrave was such a stunning young man, bold and brash and everything Marianne…  _ Wasn’t _ . But their faces were absolutely quite the same, or no, Marianne’s face was just a more feminine version of his. Was it just coincidence? Were they just related? Was his memory just off? He didn’t know how the hell he’d bring it up, but he needed to. He needed answers.

He needed to know why he left.

* * *

  
  


“Oh. What do you want  _ boar _ ?” Felix had whipped around as Dimitri approached. Must have heard the footsteps.

“I apologize Felix, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He atoned. Felix wasn’t having it though, judging by how sharp his eyes had grown.

“You didn’t.” He spits, eyes turning back to the book he had been invested in. Equestrian stuff. So he had been spending time with Marianne it seemed. He just needed to confirm it.

“I notice you’ve been spending time with Marianne.” He got straight to the point, Felix never appreciated the tip-toeing.

“And what of it?” He hisses.

“Is it true? That she’s-”

Felix snapped, shutting his book and actually looking him in the eye for once. “Not another word you beast. Don’t you know when to keep that mouth of yours shut?” Ouch. The words he said could sting sometimes, though he knew it was likely what he deserved.

“I was just-”

“Just what? Looking to try and talk to her again? Don’t think of it, or I’ll have to strike you too. Don’t make me… ” The two of them flinched at the memory. It was a fit of anger, but certainly not one his old friend deserved. And Felix had seen it all, what he really was, how he really act-

“Are you listening boar? I said stay away from her.” Felix stood, striking a finger into Dimitri’s chest.

“I- of course…” He choked out, unsure of what else he could say to Felix. Not that he was actually  _ going _ to do it.

* * *

  
“Marianne.” Dimitri coughed up, approaching her in the lunchroom. Ah, it seemed Claude and Hilda were still in line, and Lorenz nowhere in sight. Perfect.

“Oh. Dimitri.” She grew instantly uncomfortable, and he could understand why. Their last conversation… Was rather odd.

“I wanted to come talk to you, I want you to know I reconsidered what I said. I think I know-”

“Dimitri, please stop.” She shook now, her fork clattering to the table.

“Marianne…”

“I mean it. Please. What you said was just a good guess. But don’t speak any further of the truth.” The truth… Did she mean who she was?

“Marianne, I understand why you don’t want to speak of it, but please, would you like to be my friend again?”

She didn’t answer, instead standing up and running off while tears started to run too.

Dammit, this isn’t what he wanted to happen, why couldn’t things ever go right with her, why-

“What the fuck did you do?!” A clearly furious Hilda storms up to him. She had forgone her tray of food somewhere on the floor, drawing them a generous amount of attention.

“I- I just tried to talk to Marianne.” He holds his breath, trying not to get the girl anymore enraged. Oh goddess, Felix was looking too. He’d hear it from him later. 

“She doesn’t want anything to do with you,  _ boar _ .”

Ah. Or he’d hear it now.

Felix was shouting. Hilda was shouting. Claude was shouting. It was… It was just too much! The voices shouted too.

It didn’t take him much time to decide to run. 

* * *

“Marianne, what’s the matter? You can’t hide in here forever.” Hilda taps her foot against likely unwashed tiles. The school bathrooms were so  _ disgusting _ , she couldn’t imagine why Marianne decided to run in here. It was a good thing she caught her though, she was scared thinking about what would happen if Marianne was caught crying alone… In the boys restroom. She must not have been looking. Didn’t she say she’d stop going in there?

“Hilda, please leave me alone.” Marianne whimpered from the other side. It was hard having a conversation with someone when you couldn’t even look at them.

So, Hilda decided to do the grossest thing she’s ever done in her life.

“H-Hilda?!” Marianne yelps from the corner of the stall while she slides under. Ew, was that pee or water?! She quickly jumped up once she was in enough.

“That was disgusting!” Hilda croaked, trying not to gag from the experience of touching the filth stained floor of the men’s bathroom. 

“Um… You should leave, you don’t belong in here.” Marianne sucked through her teeth, staring down into the corner as if it’d make Hilda vanish.

“And neither do you? This is the boy’s bathroom you know-”

“I know.” Marianne quickly cut her off, before sobbing some more. Goodness, what was up with this girl? Hilda figured she always had things going on with how  _ tired _ she looked, but this breakdown of hers seemed disproportionately more sickening to watch. Poor Marianne, it seemed as if she could barely even function right now.

“Then why’d you come in here silly? I thought you told us you’d stop.” Hilda tries to keep the cheery voice up, as if her best friend wasn’t having an enormous mental health crisis.

“It’s what I deserve…” She mumbled, before actually turning back to face her. “Please leave Hilda, this is just what’s right.”

“It’s not what you deserve Marianne...” She could only guess what the hell deserving to be in the boys bathroom meant, but the guesses she came up with barely sembled coherent thoughts. Maybe because it was gross? She hoped that was the punishment she wanted to give herself, rather than one involving a boy coming into her stall.

“Hilda, you know none of that works for me. Please just leave me be.” She huffed tears out, turning back to the wall again. Ouch, that stung. Yes, Marianne said it all the time. Not that it made it any easier.

“Hilda, can you please-”

“Marianne.” She speaks in a serious voice. “Stop saying that, you  _ know _ damn well I’m not going anywhere.” She hated to speak like that to Marianne, to raise her voice or get all harsh. She really deserved better.

“Um… I’m sorry, but I can’t get better.” Marianne’s head shakes. Gosh she could be so stubborn.

“Not with that attitu-”

“You don’t understand!” Marianne whimpers. “I’m a freak and a mess! I’m not at all what you think I am!” A freak? A mess? She hated when Marianne said those things. What does that even mean?

“What are you then?”

“Not the woman you think I am.” She sniffled again, crying some more as she tucked her body into the corner. Oh Marianne, always crying one way or another.

“Marianne, just because you, uh, do that thing... It doesn’t make you any less of a person. I- I mean,  _ everyone _ considers you just like us! We don’t think you’re weird or anything!” And she puts a hand on her wrist, doing whatever it’d take to comfort her. Even if it meant bringing those up. “No matters your scars or whatever else.”

“Hilda, it’s- it’s not like that… Sometimes I don’t even feel human.” Marianne inches away from her touch, scooting as far into the corner as she could.

“Of course you’re a human, you couldn’t be anything else.” Hilda squeamishly takes a seat on the edge of the toilet. 

“A freak.” Marianne sighed, rubbing her wrist where Hilda laid her hands on it. Had it just been scars or did she open more? Hilda didn’t want to think about that.

“And what makes you feel like a freak?” She tries to play therapist. She wished she’d have paid attention in psych.

“I’m not like other girls, Hilda.” Marianne decides to sit with her.

“Of course you’re not, you’re Marianne. And I think that’s amazing.”

“...”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew the truth.”

“Nonsense. Nothing could stop me from thinking you’re the most beautiful, perfect, smart, talented, wonderful… You get the point, yeah? I think you’re great Marianne. A great girl.” Hilda wraps her arm around her shoulder and she can feel her do that thing again, that thing where she moves away. Oh Marianne, why did she hate her hands so much?

“It would.” “It won’t” “You don’t know that.” “You don’t know that either.” “I do.” “You don’t.”

How many times did Marianne want to go back and forth? This whole conversation felt like one big giant loop. Reassure Marianne, she says something bad, reassure her again, she rebukes it, reassure her  _ again _ … It was a game Hilda didn’t want to play.

“Maybe I don’t… but surely if I hated you for it I wouldn’t be much of a friend anyways, would I?” Hilda blinked, trying to be all cheery again.

“I’d deserve it.”

Dammit. This  _ again _ . No. She was wrong. How could she not see it? What could make Marianne think she’s not even worth so much as compassion? Hilda got depressed sometimes but not like this, jeez. Was Marianne really so damaged that she couldn’t be consoled?

“What would make you feel better Marianne?” She didn’t want to consider no options.

“Um.” She pulls up her sleeve, cuts marking it up and down. “Just… Give me some time alone.”

“No. If you’re gonna do  _ that _ then I’m staying here.” Hilda sighs, the last thing she’d ever want to do is let Marianne hurt herself. If it made her feel better though… She really, really wished she paid attention in psych class.

Marianne pulls out what appears to be a single edged razor, as she starts making cuts up and down her wrist. Crimson begins to pool up at the surface of her skin, eventually breaking and dripping onto her black fabrics… She couldn’t watch this. It was sick.

* * *

“Hilda… Please let go.” Marianne sighs, and then yelps when she notices teardrops coming off of Hilda’s face. Was she crying… For her? It felt gross now, doing this in front of Hilda, making her cry and ruining her perfect face of makeup. That was it, she’s disgusted by you Marianne.

“Marianne, please stop. I can’t take it and watch you do this! I won’t let you hurt yourself!”

Marianne cries too, sniffling as she puts the razor away. “Hilda- I- I’m sorry… I just never- I never wanted things to be this way… I never wanted to think back on my past, but now it’s all just… Creeping up on me!”

“Dimitri…” Hilda grumbled, the name swimming in her mouth like a poison.

“We used to be friends, so long ago… He…” She whimpered, rolling her sleeve back down now. “He just wants to be friends again. But I can’t… I can’t go back to who I used to be.” The whimpers turned to sobs. Hilda wouldn’t have it though. “Marianne. Go back to lunch. I’ll take care of Dimitri.”

“Hil-”

“Marianne.” She ordered. “I’ll take care of things for you. That’s what I’m good at right?”

“Right…” She whimpered. She had a point.

* * *

“Dimitri! There you are!” Hilda suddenly pinned him into the wall. Ouch, she was strong. He was stronger of course, but he dare not piss someone off with a name as big as Goneril. 

“Hilda… I’m sorry…” He croaked, unsure of how to approach her verbally.

“Explain yourself. Why doesn’t Marianne want to be your friend?” Her arms cross over her chest. Oh boy, he was in it now. But how much could he really explain? Surely, Hilda didn’t know what Marianne used to be. And Marianne wanted to keep it hidden. He couldn’t just reveal that. It was their secret. How much could he keep a secret with her demands?

“We used to be friends a long time ago, when she was a very… Different person. Something happened. She changed. We all did. People move on, and… I suppose I’m foolish for trying to go back to the past, aren’t I?”

“Dimitri… Do you mean…?” Yes. He did.

“My father wasn’t the only one to perish in that terrible accident in Duscur… Her mother, and mine, they were good friends… And… Well, I can’t blame her if she blames me.” Dimitri gulped. His mother was whispering something, but right now he couldn’t listen. “Her father was never the nicest man. So when she left this world he became worse. He abused her. Wouldn’t let her live as she saw fit to. Eventually that came to an end, she found a home with distant family, but all those terrible things she had to endure…” Goddess, his head hurt. “It was my fault. All of it.” That didn’t even include what happened  _ to _ her. How much she had changed, how much she probably wanted to escape her past.

“Dimitri, it’s awful what happened, but don’t say that. No one could have thought something so horrible would come to be.” No Hilda was wrong, he didn’t...Marianne...It was him. It really was all him…

“Dimitri. Don’t cry.” Hilda sighs, wiping a tear from his cheek. “I’m sure Marianne doesn’t think that. It probably just hurts. Maybe things can’t go back to normal with you two, but they can go forward.” Hilda tries to smile, but he can see how awkward this is for her. It wasn’t her business, it wasn’t her battle. Why had he blabbed so much?

“Hilda… Do you really think that to be true? That someone like me could earn her forgiveness? I- I don’t even know where to start.”

* * *

She never expected to see Dimitri like this. Vulnerable, weak, in front of her no less. Did he really want to see things through with Marianne again so badly? It melted her heart. She wanted to be close to her too, who wouldn’t? Marianne really was the sweetest.

“Your heart, Dimitri. Show her you care.”

“I don’t know how…” Dimitri bemoaned. “Am I not beyond redemption? I ruined her life…”

“Ask, and you shall receive they say, right?” Hilda nudges him with her elbow. “Moping won’t do anything, so go do what you gotta do big guy.”

* * *

“Marianne?”

“Oh. Dimitri.”

“...”

“Please, forgive me for the past, Marianne. I never meant to-” She stopped him, putting a palm up over his face all of a sudden.

“Dimitri. I just… I just don’t want you to see me as that anymore. I’m not your friend anymore… Um, do- do you get it?” Marianne sighed, and he could see the way she tried to hold her tears back. Poor Marianne, what had she done in life to receive this pain? She didn’t deserve it. Deserved better.

“Marianne…I just want your-”

“Dimitri. There’s nothing to forgive you for. You’ve done no wrong, a- and I know you’re more tormented over it than anyone… But I’m not…  _ Him _ …The past should stay in the past Dimitri.”

“Marianne…”

“Yes. Marianne… She’ll be your friend.”

He cries. “Thank you, Marianne.” He took her words to his heart just as he had spilled his. Maybe, maybe he could try and live for the future too.


End file.
